Megan Klak, Staff Writer
Edited by Victoria Chiu
(Be forewarned, exaggeration and *hyperboles* are rampant!)
When the lunch bell rings, the mad rush for the microwaves ensues, second only to the rush for the cafeteria. The Microwave Mob, in its single-minded quest for warm food,
usually occasionally goes a bit overboard.
Let’s break The Mob down a bit: first there are the over-stuffers who shove fifteen things into the microwave, all counterbalanced and lopsided against each other while awkwardly turning and vying for an evenly heated space. Then there are the over-timers. Seven minutes is way too long—for anything! Hopefully, you’ll never have to encounter a possessive microwaver, a.k.a. one who holds the microwave hostage until their food is done heating. Avoid, at all costs, the microwavers who stop a microwave with only twenty seconds left just to balance their own meal. Getting all of the food out of the pile of Tupperware containers at that point resembles a game of Jenga. Then there are those poor souls who show up late to lunch and valiantly push through the crowd only to be faced with a sea of completely full microwaves, at which point they gloomily look down at their cold pizza, glance back to the mob, and decide that they’ve always liked cold pizza better anyway.
All of these things make the quest to heat up last night’s leftovers sound pretty unappealing, but sometimes you’ve just gotta do what you’ve gotta do. If you decide to brave the microwaves, I wish you luck—I think I’ll just stick with a sandwich.